Why does Hollywood have such a poor track record when it comes female directors? It’s simple: there just simply isn’t enough chocolate on set to keep them happy.
Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA
Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion
Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion
More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video/
fake news! oh wait…
It's true. When I was young girl I dreamed of becoming a famous director, until I got older and realised that there really wouldn't be any chocolate on set to get through the day.
FUCK WOAMAN
Don't get me started on the tampon budget
Lmao
I thought women didnt like choclate. I thought they just liked diet coke and salads.
Everyone's missing the point. This is making fun of how disconnected Hollywood stars are with real life and how we shouldn't see them as heroes.
Do women really want to be patronized?
I am tickled to death over the "this can be read two ways" people.
Their
argument is, "You can either see this as The Onion saying that sexist notions of women are unfair, or they're saying that women literally can't function properly without chocolate and baths."
No, you sweet sweet vidalias. This cannot be reasonably taken both ways.
I zoned out after the first 10 seconds of this video
The Triumph of the Will was actually about Leni Riefenstahls quest to get some chocolate from the third Reich. And who would argue that it isn't the greatest movie ever shot right?
I'm not going to work tomorrow …. Cause I don't have Chocolate that's it I'm Done. Ha ha
Because, how can someone who can't make up their mind direct a team?
This video is so sick and sexist.
I misread the title I thought it said "dictator", so disappointing!
Where is Peter Rosenthal ???? Not digging this new person .The Onion has lost its edge . I prefer the old Onion . Better humor and delivery .
Honestly, everyone in hollywpod and outside it should have access to Chocolate regardless of their gender, there's just no way yo work without it
I just realized why I'm not a female director.
When did The Onion start reporting real news?
equal opportunity NOT equal outcome
We're reaching sarcasm levels that shouldn't even be possible.
As an actor, this is bullshit. Every professional set is overflowing with chocolate.
It's kind of a weird joke cause it's within a directors power to have those things available. Just gotta pay for them and people to get them for you.
Wait⦠Am I a woman?
There are few female directors for the same reason there are few female CEOs. These professions (and many others) require monomaniacal focus and time commitment, and men accept that more than women. Women want a more balanced life with work, children and family, social relationships, yoga, book clubs, travel, etc. Nothing wrong with that (in fact it's a better way to live), but women should stop blaming and complaining. They should either work 16-hour days and ignore their families, or they should stfu.
The amount of people taking this seriously is ridiculous.
Not enough unfolded laundry
Honestly this video would've been much funnier had it been about female dictators
Am I woman? I need that chocolate
They are better at cleaning and cooking than telling people what to do for 12 hours straight. When is my dinner going to be ready!
I was expecting her to start eating some chocolate. I think it would have funnier.
I read this as dictators
Because it's not spelled "director". It's "directress", idiots.
should have 57billion views.
Awww, I thought for a moment it said, "Why Are There So Few Female DICTATORS." Well, at least there's Merkel.
I thought it said female dictators… which would've been pretty fascinating.
I thought it said female dictators. Like kim jong un
At first I thought the total said dictators
Should i… should I say it? Satire or not. Women cant direct good movies. And Sophia Coppola sucks
TFW an Onion video makes you realize that you're a female director.
Honestly women are too indecisive I mean they hire decorators to decorate their house come on you can't even decide what you want in your own house.
Oh I thought it said dictators
Progress is the equality of opportunities, not the equality of outcomes.
This is awesome!!
1:05 I thought that was Lilly Tomlin.
I love mildly amusing satire that supports completely safe and acceptable left-wing views!
I'm fascinated by how her bangs hide her eyebrows 50% of the time
95% of preschool teachers are women – why aren't there more male pre-school teachers? Here's an idea – because more women choose the training that leads to that profession… and the men choose the training that leads to another profession e.g. engineering. No one 'forces the choice' – people choose for a variety of reasons… and that's how the numbers settle out. Of course, if we are going to establish quotas for each profession based on genitalia, then why not choose based on height? Weight? Eye colour? Skin colour? Religion? Politics – oops that one seems to be operating already – 80% of college staff identify as leaning Socialist (I joke not).
I honestly thought this was βwhy are there so few female dictatorsβ
As a female director, I can confirm the misogynistic nature of the Hollywood scene. I found that once I started dressing as a male, my career skyrocketed. Indeed, the male suits contain significantly more pockets to store my chocolate bars.
Sad to see salty/toxic discussions in an onion news article.
I thought it was supposed to be about female dictators.
I read "dictators" and was disappointed as fuck… Lol
Choclate will make cinema great again .
I'd rather have some Skittles or whatsuch than any chocolate. i have a schlong
0:41 She looks exactly like David Bowie wearing a wig
wow, this is really lazy humor
And periods. We can't always be stopping a scene cuz yer ragging
I so thought this said "Why are there so few female Dictators"
This is dry
This is a problem in all fields, not just the film industry.
I thought it was asking why there were so few female dictators
I don't want to be directed by a woman, they drive cars.
Aw I thought it said female dictators.
She's spitting facts
So, my sister isn't the only female who eats chocolates all the time. Fascinating.
I thought the title was "female dictators" and I was very disappointed.
'chaise lounge' hurt my ears
So what I've learnt from this comment section is that most people either can't read, or are just way too eager about female dictators.
I read the title as Dictators, and was very confused when it started
I clicked thinking it said Dictators. Still funny.
I thought it said dictator.
i misread that as dictator
I bet this was directed by a man
Lol
Why did I read this as Why are There So Few Female Dictators? Well, maybe next time?
Bigelow won Best Director in 2008, not 2012.
Why a woman didn't directed Willy Wonka.
= The river is brown but it's not chocolate.
what a beautiful woman
Chaise Lounge? Do they mean chaise longue?
Women are amazing, women can do anything – Hollywood just needs to trap a child under a film set and a woman will direct the hell out of that scene!
The real reason there are so few female directors is because there just aren't that many of them.
We ignored this problem and now they resorted to just comlaining so much about anything that people just reward them for doing their absolute worst.
You can tell a female wrote this skit. Not their best.
Crap vid
At first I thought the title said βDictators.β
Because it's a man's world baby. That's why it sucks!
2009, NOT 2012, OSCAR FOR BIGELOW, SAME YEAR MJ DIED AND HUBBY JAMES CAMERON LOST TO HER FOR AVATAR!
SHE WON FOR 'HURT LOCKER' (2008)
Because female directors tend to be awful at directing. Or, like Elizabeth Banks, tend to tell men they're not welcome to see the movie but then bitch when the movie bombs.
This brings up an important point: what about on-set baskets for when their eggs fall out????
We don't want the key grips slipping on those squishy ovals and sliding into set props, do we?
That would be embarrasing for any female director!
I thought it said why aren't there more female dictators and that somehow seems less outlandish of a topic for them than this
Hm, in my area, especially during the pandemic, producers for streaming platforms Required so many sex scenes (because it sells, they said) that female writers and directors can't stomach it. I also saw that, sad to say, male directors are tough about getting controlling money, staff are paid in small salaries as long as it can be done. But I know a lot of line producers/management/coordinators are mostly women, I don't know about other countries.
ahahahhaha
I read that as dictators. I am very disappointed.
I've heard that their menstrual cycles attract bears. So if you want some beloved male movie star to get eaten by a bear, go ahead and cave to the woke brigade.
God damn it. I didn't check who uploaded this YouTube video, and I fell for it within the first 30 seconds.
Finally! Somebody says it!
The funny thing is that the craft table (snack table) prob does have lots of chocolate and treats
Seriously, who's dick do you got to suck to get a job as a female director? There's no casting couch for director hand jobs. Sad really.
Cause they suck