Caregiver Training: Aggressive Language/Behavior | UCLA Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care Program

The UCLA Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care Video series provides viewers with practical tools you can use in a variety of settings to create a safe, comfortable environment both for the person with dementia and the caregiver.

To learn more about the UCLA Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care, please visit

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  1. I'm helping my youngest sister to care for our mother because she still works and I'm retired my mother has dementia and is getting worse each day, my question to you professionals is, if my mother was bad, abusive and never gave me love a hug kiss or said I love you, when I was a child till I moved away, is it good for me to care for her because now she is agressive comparing with my grandparents on my father's side and telling me the devil is here. PLEASE help me although she did a lot of harm to me I feel pitty for her and some love but I think I can not stand this all over again thank you

  2. I feel sorry for the nurse here she’s doing best she can my aunt toy was the same way she passed away last year in June I took care of her for few years she was great great aunt I miss her so much

  3. Amazing how much negativity among some of the posters for a program that’s trying to solve serious issues. Complaints but no solutions to propose.

  4. The amount of emotional labor required for this kind of effective care work is so underemphasized and undervalued. Families expect incredible acts of selflessness and patience, yet are only willing to pay minimum and/or poverty wages.

  5. Always use a positive tone! Even though these people may sometimes act 'childish', they're still adults and within reason should be allowed to do as they please as long as they're not harming themselves or others. And just think about if you were confused, would you like someone you don't recognize to come dress you, invade your space?! No, of course not, the anger makes sense. Never demonize their behaviour!:)

  6. Please note that these tips only work every so often, some patients cant be redirected and most times the patients violence grows and becomes harmful to you as well as themselves. If you can call for someone to assist do so immediately for safety of you and them. Or leave them to themselves and try again later when working alone. 911 is extreme and sometimes necessary….I have been sliced in my abdomen before by a patient who hide a knife. Dont let the age of an elder fool you, they can hurt you too. Just remember why you are there and that every life deserves good care

  7. This is nonsense. People who work with aggressive dementia patients know that NOTHING really helps. I hate the way that the people who give the advice, have NEVER had to encounter this type of behavior on a daily basis. You are so out of touch. UCLA, please come back with a video that actually is of help to carers. This video is just wishful thinking, put together by people who don't have any practical experience of this type of work. Compared to what I experience on a daily basis, the woman in this video would be considered calm.

  8. I’m not being mean or anything, just speaking my thoughts. Most of what I find online about this issue is just like this. As the caregiver you walk away feeling like once again you’ve been told you must be perfect. To me it’s not encouraging at all but instead makes me feel like a failure….and I already know that I fail daily. I could be wrong on this but when it gets to a certain point (could be different for all) but detachment seems like an option. To keep my sanity I’ve had to do this somewhat with my mother in law….she talks ALOT and repeats the same stories over and over and a lot of what she says is so negative….and it is all so completely draining. We’ve all heard the old saying you are who you hang out with…why is this any different? You have got to unplug/detach from that! I do not stand blameless and I own my flaws and I’m aware that much of what I get from her could be her feeding off me because I stay so irritated with her….I get that and own that…but when she goes back home telling people I’m getting a divorce which I’m not or that I’ve killed myself and who knows what else….it’s hard to deal with. Dementia is going to kill her if not something else sooner…but I don’t want to go down with her. This is hard!!!

  9. Sooooo…what if there brief is full of feces? And they are refusing care? Just let them stay in the bed and spread it all over the sheets? Let them stay that way and get a uti? This is never talked about in memory care settings. And its very frustating.

  10. I see lots of negative comments here. Can't tell you how many times I've seen caregivers behave like in the first example. Always baffled me. Sure you'd get annoyed and would most of all just want them to go on and get out of bed without protest, but the whole reason you're there is that they won't. You can try the first approach and see how that works for you – guaranteed failure. The second might just make it a little bit easier. Soul crushing to see people be overtly annoyed and angry with patients who won't comply. It's not that hard to shove those feelings away, doing that is part of the work.

    (Edit: not saying the emotional work aspect of it is easy, just saying it's part of it and should be expected. People who do this sort of care work should be recieving good salaries.)

  11. It's not so helpful to call police when my father is out of control..he burnt cloth in front of the door.. He's acting normal when the officers are visiting to my home..police didn't take any action of it.. On that day i feel so frustrated and calm down for a while when my father stop his misbehaviour..

  12. Pssh! That rarely works. A lot if times you have to get a few nurses in there, and force them out of bed. They will literally lay there unil they pass away, while continuing to soil themselves in bed, and never calming down no matter how you speak to them.

  13. I how do I apply this when I’m at work? I have a guy who comes in almost everyday to return bottles and he gets upset sometimes when the machines doesn’t take them and I always tell him I can count the bottles that the machine doesn’t take when he’s all done but he wants me to count all of them for him and he doesn’t want to do that, I try to explain to him in a calm voice that I cannot do that because it’s store policy and I don’t want to get into trouble and I’m not sure what to do at this point because there’s been times where it’s gotten so bad I had to call a mangers but I feel bad sometimes cause it’s not the guys fault

  14. My mom is acting this way and refuses to go get tested and she steals my meds and does not care what they are for and bad mouth the family and gets people into arguments over shit stories she makes up and hits me .
    Can be anyone in the central Florida can help ?????🙏🏻

  15. Im put on meds that makes me very aggressive if they were off. 3 days of angering me along with the meds i snapped, normal people snap at 1 day without meds
    I punched someone who rushed me
    Now i risk a criminal record and juvenile detention, because like a human i snapped
    Everybody expects me to be ghandi, im not, not peaceful I still get angry and if its not delt with immediately it will go until i lash out,

  16. OMG. That is literally me with my mom every day. Because of her other neuro issues I have been wondering for a while if this behavior was a sign of dementia. Sometimes I feel like she talks to me like I am not her daughter- like she either thinks I am someone else or she just thinks I am someone who lives in the house. Ya know? With covid, her neurologist won't see her in person, and her psychiatrist does phone visits and my mom knows the script. So I'm at a loss for how to get her real treatment.

  17. I have decided to make this post or testimony public. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s ten years ago. I loved my husband very much, and it was heartbreaking to have him develop Alzheimer's disease, and to stand by and watch him decline in his ability to take care of himself, struggling with day-to-day tasks. It takes away his memory and eventually the ability to do basic tasks. Alzheimer’s doesn’t just affect the person who is diagnosed — it also turns your world as caregiver, upside down if your loved one is grappling with the condition. To be clear, there is no pharmaceutical medicine, no magic pill that have any significant effect on the progressive downhill course of this disease. Not until we use an Herbal Medicine called BRONGEE that put an end to it. He has been well and living his best life. While there may be other different option to into. Never make your own success path a secret. There should be no shame. Contact Dr Rohan with It may also help you too.

  18. I read through with interest. I once believed Alzheimer's disease has no cure. Well, it is true with English medicine, but not with herbal medicine. My Dad's experience opened my eyes to the reality of a cure through herbs. My Father was a vibrant man before his encounter with Alzheimer's. He was a scientist, hence his mental capability was never in doubt. In 2015, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. The symptoms manifested through repeating conversation and gradually forgetting things. It became progressive from finding the right words during a conversation, to significant confusion and forgetting details about himself. It was not a good experience, seeing your father whose brilliance had no match, totally became a shadow of himself. His doctors said the disease has no cure, just medications for treatment which had a lot of side effects were administered to him. Early 2018, while on the internet, I bumped into a story of Alzheimer's, and I read about a cure through herbs with interest. I researched more to be sure it was not a hoax.  In my quest, I contacted doctor Rohan herbs mentioned in the testimony. I got his herbal medicine for my father. It's been 2 years and he is perfectly okay and back to his laboratory work even at old age. For your loved ones with Alzheimer's or Dementia, take them off English medicine and use Dr. Rohan herbal treatment. Dr. Rohan can be reached through

  19. I agree she was amazing! My Mom is so mean and it seems only towards me. She’s lied and even caused an arrest and told me that I caused her Dementia because I needed to put my diseases on her like UCTD and Lupus . Current situation she lives with my Abuser DD on to be X in our hone and sided with Him when he has 4 priors Domestic Violence and 2 strikes 2 terms and 2 violations and is a diagnosed Anti sociopath. I’ve tried everything just to get her safe . But he continues to lie and say he is in recovery and he just leaves her alone and gets high every day and drunk on the weekends . He’s using her for IHSS caregiver Funds as it pays the rent and I just don’t want her used as this progresses. I’ve called APS and UCLA has not been helpful . This is awful .i fear during the 70 hours she is gone alone weekly that she might fall . Her balance continues to get worse and to prevent me from talking to the Doctors my x had me removed from talking further to the Doctors last month . I am my Mothers only biological daughter and my Mom seems to not be sensitive to my feelings anymore with the damage of two frontal lobe strokes that happened when Over 32 years ago . Thanks for the video and any advise you have

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  21. I find so many of these types of video focusing on how a caregiver is being bossy or rude and when they adjust their behavior things change. That is not the case for me. I have always acted with respect, compassion, and kindness but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. What I need to know is what to do if you are acting the way the caregiver was in the second scenario and the client still yells at you and tells you to go away or says mean things. I got into this type of work due to my big heart but now after every shift I’m feeling depressed, anxious, and exhausted. I wish there were more resources available to help caregivers who do everything their supposed to do but still get treated with aggression and anger.

  22. I once believed Alzheimer's disease has no cure. Well, it is true with western medication, but not with herbal medicine. My Dad's experience opened my eyes to the reality of a cure through herbs.. My Father was diagnosed with mild dementia in 2013 but now he's finally free with herbs from Dr. Rohan. You can reach out with the doctor via

  23. What's ridiculous is the cost of these facilities! Yet the state won't fund a family member who has to care for them at home, by themselves. Without the ability to go away after 8 hours.

  24. Many years ago as a younger carer I worked in a care home. One morning I was getting some clothes from the wardrobe for a lady who was 90 years old, but she thought I was stealing them and pushed me. I fell into to the open wardrobe and she started hitting me, I quickly said to her that I could hear the tea trolley coming and she should go and remind them that she did not take sugar, she immediately stood back and said yes I don't want sugar and walked away. I made a note not to have my back to this client while supporting her. I am still a carer at the age of 69 and I love my job and the challenges it brings.

  25. there like children i gave my mom half cup of beer she calm down she was mad after she was find doctor said it was like treat for her because she does not drink but she to have a drink with family when she was in her 60s on special days

  26. After I was diagnosed with HERPES VIRUS  and my Doctor telling me that there is no cure I almost ended up killing myself, it was my girlfriend who encouraged me and help in finding a solution. I didn't know how she got to know about Dr Madida at YouTube that she bought herpes virus herbal medicine from that she encouraged me to try out that it might help me, I did just as she said and firstly they outbreaks sores began to go away and never came back three months later after exhausting the medication long long ago I went for test first and second time and even third time, all result all came out negative and I was totally surprised. I know I must appreciate Dr Madida but my greatest gratitude goes to my friend who stood by me and even helped me find a cure

  27. My wife’s father had dementia. For 16 months he needed around the clock care and only four of his eight children helped, my wife, her three sisters. And I helped. His own wife didn’t even help. 45-60 minutes to get him up dressed and into bed. Fights every step of the way. Verbal aggression was a staple almost all the time. He died in 2020 just before the pandemic hit. My father died in 2016, and it was nothing compared to dealing with him. I always tell people, you don’t want a loved one to have dementia

  28. I'm a man in his 50's. I dropped a relationship to come to Illinois to care for my father while he had cancer. Shortly after his passing, my mother started to exhibit signs of Alzheimer. Later adding Dimentia. Now, shes turning into in angry old woman. She's always been a manipulator as far back as I can remember. NOW it's sooo much worse. Everything is my fault. She never has accepted wrong, and always pointed the finger. My brothers are no help at all. One hasn't been over since 10/2013. The month after dad died. The other brother will not even discuss the issue by phone or txt. My guess is he thinks he's protecting his inheritance. My point is this.. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to deal with this. I'm either going to explode, back my things and disappear, or simply end my life. I just don't know. I can't deal with this alone. If I point out her illness, she says I'm full of it and spins it to be about my shortcomings. She has many bluffed into thinking she's a sweet old woman. Sooo far from the truth. The brother I haven't seen since 10/12 can attest to that. She ruined him psychology as a younger boy. Now he remembers and stays away. The other brother can care less. Just give me money is his thought. This sucks. Not sure what to do. I work 12 hr days 5 days a week. Getting to be a big load!!!


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